No. 3 Cream Pie

I love pie.  So did my Dad.  He was fond of all kinds of pie, but chocolate pie was a special treat.  And I love any recipe that will stick in my pathetic, junk-filled brain.  This one will.
So here is how to make a cream pie. Any cream pie.  It can be chocolate, banana, coconut, or lemon, depending on how you flavor it.  For coconut, add shredded coconut and coconut flavor, maybe a little rum.  For banana, add sliced bananas and a little nutmeg.  For lemon, lemon juice and lemon flavor or zest, for butterscotch add caramel, and so on.
And for chocolate, add cocoa.  Lots of cocoa.   I like to combine the new "dark" Hershey's with the regular, but you can experiment with different variations.

The nice thing about this recipe is there is no "tempering" or straining or any of that bother. You are going to end up with a pie, not a sauce, for Pete's sake!

Step 1.  Bake a pie crust.  Prick the bottom. Hot oven, around 375.  I use heavy "wachas" for pie weights, but some people use beans or nails or a chain.  When it's cooked and lightly browned on the edges, about 15 minutes, take it out.

Step 2.  In a heavy pan, add 3 cups of milk.  Mix in 1/3 c. of cornstarch, and 2/3 cup of sugar.  Are you seeing a pattern here?  Also add 3 pinches of salt, and 3 egg yolks and 3 T. of butter.  Mix well with a whisk.  Now you can turn on the heat.

Step 3. Add the cocoa.   For this very chocolate pie,  I'm adding 1/3 cup of dark cocoa, and 1/3 c. of regular.   The cocoa will float on the top, and that's okay.  Don't be alarmed!  If you are making a banana or coconut or butterscotch pie, add the banana or coconut or caramel right after it thickens.

Step 4.  Heat it slowly and whisk a lot.  You don't have to whisk it continuously, but don't wander off too far.

Step 5.  When it gets hot enough, it will thicken up and all the cocoa will be melted and incorporated into the pudding.  Take it off the heat and keep stirring until the moment you pour it into the baked crust.  Let it set and cool.  Put it into the refrigerator and put whipped cream all over the top before serving.

Thank you, Mrs. Hastings, for all those glorious pies you made for the scruffy little schoolchildren of Anthony Elementary!  This is lovingly posted in your memory.

64 Blondies in a Hurry

As if the title of this blog didn't convey the idea enough, let me be clear: I'm impatient. And a procrastinator.  Not a good combination.  Nor qualities to be proud of, but it's an unchangeable part of my genetic make-up, without a doubt.  And, uh-oh, I signed up to bake for a church bake sale in a moment of .....optimism. 
Now here's how to make 64 Blondies in a big rush.

You need a half-sheet pan.   I use these constantly.  Spray it with Pam.

Then put a sheet of parchment paper on top.  The Pam holds it to the pan.  I buy sheet parchment paper on ebay.

Then spray your parchment paper with Pam, too.  This is one of those steps that's okay to leave out, but I usually do it.


Then, take 4 sticks of butter, softened, and a full bag of brown sugar.  Or 4 cups of brown sugar.Put them in the mixing bowl with the butter and add a big glug of vanilla and a nickel size pile of salt. 

By the way, my vanilla bottle looks like that because I make my own vanilla elixir with vodka and vanilla beans. Another post, someday.

So now, start the mixer and go turn on the oven to 350.

Add four eggs, one at a time to the sugar /butter mixture.  When that is thoroughly mixed, you can start adding Self-Rising Flour.  If you don't have SR flour, add 3 tsp. baking powder at the end.

Add SR flour till it's really stiff, about 5cups.



Then you can add chocolate chips.  Or instead, cinnamon, nutmeg and clove.  Your choice, but not both.  I added the chocolate, no debate there, because I had the chips.  Spread it out on the parchment paper using a wet spatula, and throw it in the oven for 30 minutes, or until cracks on top don't shine.   That is, they are NOT WET.

Now here comes the important part, the cutting.

Take the trusty Pam and spray your knife or use a pizza cutter.  Start by cutting in half.  Then each half in half, and so on, until you have 7 cuts each way, vertical and horizontal.  So now you have a #$%load of cookies to take to whatever event you are obligated to do so, and in about 40 minutes.  Or you could eat them.

Making "Crack" Brownies

Here is how I make brownies.  One of my son calls them "Crack" Brownies.  Funny, huh?   It all started when I read Katherine Hepburn's recipe in some magazine about 30 some-odd years ago.  Once you have that down, you just take it from there.

In a bowl, throw in a large chunk of butter.  It really doesn't matter how much, just as long as it's a lot.  2 sticks, say.  Then you put in what looks to be the same amount of chocolate.  By that I mean a large bar of dark or whatever you have on hand.  Throw it in the microwave and melt the chocolate bar and butter and stir it up.  Then you throw in a big bunch of cocoa, like 3 big spoonfuls.

Then add a nickel size pile of salt an a big glug of vanilla.

Stir that up and then start adding sugar.  Add sugar till it won't get greasy any more, like this.

Now add eggs, usually 3 is enough to make it thickly liquid, then add just enough self- rising flour to make it stop looking grainy, less than a cup.

I didn't put parchment paper under this batter and I should have.  Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.  I like pecans on top but whatever.  Cut and take out of the pan when they are not hot but not cold.  That's it!